caitlicious:

caitastrophic:

“You couldn’t push my buttons if you tried. In fact, I have no buttons. Please think of me as buttonless, all smooth, like GI Joe’s nether regions. By the by, this image is brought to you by my son, Jack, who has been yanking pants off toy soldiers and leaving them in provocative positions on my nightstand. It is just disturbing enough so that leaving the house, I’m cranky and less able to suffer fools, which brings me back to you: The fool. I’m done suffering you, so go now. Go. Go, before you can write a book entitled: Help! A Large Doctor is Beating My Ass - The Lester Hedrick Story.”-Dr. Cox

“I suppose I could riff a list of things that I care as little about as our last week together. Lemme see, uhh…. Low-carb diets. Michael Moore. The Republican National Convention. Kabbalah and all Kabbalah-related products. Hi-def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hot spots, ‘The O.C.’, the U.N., recycling, getting Punk’d, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys. Jeff, that Wiggle who sleeps too darn much! The Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show host! Everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything everything everything everything everything everything–eve–everything that exists — past, present and future, in all discovered and undiscovered dimensions. Oh! And Hugh Jackman.”-Dr. Cox

Two of my favorite Cox monologues.

 BUT HUGH JACKMAN IS THE WOLVERINE